Handbag Violence

	BLOG POST - 1ST APRIL 2011 According to some random statistic robbed from the Internet, the average handbag now weighs 3.31 pounds. On a bit of side note, did you know that the Nazis invented the Internet in the early 1930's but kept it locked away in a secret vault. Himmler persuaded Hitler to put it on the backburner whilst they got on with the tedious process of world domination. Hitler thought it would be a useful propaganda tool but Himmler knew otherwise, he fully anticipated that it would be used primarily for the perusal of pornography. Anyways, back to the matter in hand, obviously having a lightweight handbag has its advantages, but have you ever thought about the disadvantages. Well, one of the most obviously glaring disadvantages in having a lightweight handbag is that when the time comes for ultra cartoon type violence, you are gonna come up short and in turn will probably be taking a long ride to the local Accident and Emergency Department as the Youtube video below demonstrates. I apologise for the lego block 1980's style Amstrad graphics. These Russian grannies pumped full of the cheapest vodka available clearly demonstrate that when the time for violence arises, be it because of an insult or some other form of disrespect, then a heavy oversized handbag is the key. Also, the video demonstrates that the material of the handbag is of great concern when fighting. Most women will carry beautiful evening bags when they are going out to an evening party to have it large. They want to look classy and glamorous with the accessories they bring which are matching with the outfits they wear. It is spectacularly important for women to choose the right bags with the right outfits to show up to the evening party and look glamorous whilst they down pint after pint of Stella and chain smoke. If you are choosing the bag for an evening party, you should consider the most appropriate materials of the bag. You can choose from satin, leather and silk materials but obviously bear in mind that blood, vomit, spit and other fluids might be extremely difficult to clean and might stain. If you know a good ole fashioned tear up might take place at the local boozer then just stick with the tried and tested leather evening bags. Remember what mother used to say, 'when going batting, forget satin.' In addition to the weight of the handbag and the material, the video also demonstrates that strategy and technique are key to winning a handbag fight. The blue handbag lady clearly demonstrates the attack, block, attack, block technique over and over again and in fairness, it clearly works. If the handbag was weighted with bricks then the red handbag lady would most definitely be in a world of hurt.


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